Note: An Akond leads a Muslim religious community. The preferred transliteration is Akhund. Walī (Arabic: ولي, plural ʾawliyāʾ أولياء) is an Arabic word whose literal meanings include "custodian", "protector", "helper", and "friend". In the vernacular, it is most commonly used by Muslims to indicate an Islamic saint, otherwise referred to by the more literal "friend of God".
WHO, or why, or which, or what, Is the Akond of Swat? Is he tall or short, or dark or fair? Does he sit on a stool or a sofa or chair, OR SQUAT? The Akond of Swat? Is he wise or foolish, young or old? Does he drink his soup or his coffee cold, OR HOT, The Akond of Swat?
-Edward Lear
“I must start with the story of my great-grandfather, as it is through him that our family gained all its influence…People came to him and thought he was a Saint, so he was recognized as the Akhund of Swat.”
-Miangul Jahanzeb (1908-1987), Wali of Swat, as quoted in The Last Wali of Swat, An Autobiography, as told to Norwegian anthropologist Fredrik Barth
Does he sing or whistle, jabber or talk, And when riding abroad does he gallop or walk, OR TROT, The Akond of Swat? Does he wear a turban, a fez or a hat? Does he sleep on a matress, a bed, or a mat, OR A COT, The Akond of Swat?
“There were no luxuries, such as bungalow houses or expensive clothing, or expensive habits of other kinds. So when they sat down to eat, the servants sat down with them, and they all ate together. In that sense there was no class difference, because perhaps the next day they would be killed together in the tribal fights.”
When he writes a copy in round-hand size, Does he cross his T’s and finish his I’s WITH A DOT, The Akond of Swat? Can he write a letter concisely clear Without a speck or a smudge or a smear OR BLOT, The Akond of Swat?
“There was no education, not even an opportunity for an education, for the few mullahs who could read and write did not encourage education.”
Do his people like him extremely well? Or do they, whenever they can, rebel, OR PLOT, At the Akond of Swat? If he catches them then, either old or young, Does he have them chopped in pieces or hung, OR SHOT, The Akond of Swat?
“They always said that of all the states in the Frontier, that Swat State was the most civilized. That is why so many people from Swat are in America, England, Libya, and Saudi Arabia.”
Do his people prig in the lanes or park? Or even at times when days are dark, GARROTTE! O the Akond of Swat! Does he study the wants of his own dominion? Or doesn’t he care for public opinion A JOT, The Akond of Swat?
“When a murderer is executed for his crime in accordance with Shariat, it is called qissas, and there were many cases settled by qissas in Swat by his order. It was not by force of arms, but by influence and the rule of law from spiritual power (barakat).”
To amuse his mind do the people show him Pictures, or any one’s last new poem, OR WHAT, For the Akond of Swat? At night if he suddenly screams and wakes, Do they bring him only a few small cakes, OR A LOT, For the Akond of Swat?
“Most of all, people used to fight with their own cousins, or second cousins- what we call tarbur, which means both ‘cousin’ and ‘enemy’ ”.
Does he live on turnips, tea, or tripe? Does he like his shawl to be marked with a stripe, OR A DOT, The Akond of Swat? Does he like to lie on his back in a boat Like the lady who lived in that isle remote, SHALLOTT, The Akond of Swat?
“I remember living with my mother and going to see my father in the morning. And at the age of four I was put under a mullah to be taught the Holy Koran. He was Imam of the Mosque- the grandfather of this man who is now my butler.”
Is he quiet or always making a fuss? Is his steward a Swiss or a Swede or a Russ, OR A SCOT, The Akond of Swat? Does he like to sit by the calm blue wave? Or to sleep and snore in a dark green cave, OR A GROTT, The Akond of Swat?
“My earliest memories are of gunfights between my father and my uncle Shirin Sahib- that is, mainly between their retainers”
Does he drink small beer from a silver jug? Or a bowl? or a glass? or a cup? or a mug? OR A POT, The Akond of Swat? Does he beat his wife with a gold-topped pipe,When she lets the gooseberries grow too ripe, OR ROT, The Akond of Swat?
“When you are Ruler, then all around you are either enemies, who are against you, or flatterers, with whom you cannot enjoy any society. When you propose something to them, they say, ‘Yes Sir, yes Sir, that is very good.’”
Does he wear a white tie when he dines with friends, And tie it neat in a bow with ends, OR A KNOT, The Akond of Swat? Does he like new cream and hate mince-pies? When he looks at the sun does he wink his eyes, OR NOT, The Akond of Swat?
“His servants and retainers were called sheikhs also. They carried no arms, but when such a sheikh came to a village, he would sit on the bed and the Khans (tribal chiefs) would sit on the ground.”
Does he teach his subjects to roast and bake? Does he sail about on an inland lake, IN A YACHT, The Akond of Swat. Some one, or nobody, knows I wot Who or which or why or what Is the Akond of Swat.
“Sometimes people asked me: ‘Don’t you ever get tired?’ I said, ‘No this is my hobby and my pleasure!’”