It’s time to bring back the Laugh-In, hosted by dimwit Don Sr. as Dick Martin and straight man Don Jr. as Dan Rowan. Ivanka can play goofy Goldie, Sarah Sanders Ruth Buzzi’s man-repellent Gladys Ormphby, and Trump without a toupee Arte Johnson’s dirty old man Tyrone F. Horneigh always giving her a pinch. The plastic Fantastic Miss Fox blondes plus Hope Hicks as their token brunette will wildly frug away the night in the go-go girl cages, Omarosa will Sock-it-to-me, Jared will reprise Henry Gibson’s idiot savant poet’s words of ponderously empty wisdom, Ivana might have a cameo as the aging-badly loud mouth Carole Channing, and Melania as Wolfgang will pop from the weeds with the same squint eye wearing not a Nazi helmet but rather a Red Army jacket with an “I Heart Putin” lapel button, saying “Vayrrrrry In-terr-est-ink”.
Second Son Eric and First Son’s current squeeze Kimberly Guilfoyle will have to write their own scripts, but given how obsessed Trump Sr. was with his sister-in-law Blaine’s society page successes in the 1980s, it should be obvious where that one goes. The set is already decorated in Laugh-In’s pop-art toned scheme: hair-dye orange, money green, spray-on bronze, Goldfinger gold, and Sarah Sander’s dresses scream-out-loud candy colors. Windows on the joke wall could have any one who ever worked the White House’s press machine- Spicer, Bannon, Kellyanne, the Mooch…. the list goes on. At the show’s sign-off, just as Dick always forgot Dan’s name, Don Sr. will say, Say goodnight Dad, and Don Jr. will say, Say goodnight Don. And the Fickle Finger of Fate goes to…All Americans.